Rich Relationships: How to Create a Million-Dollar Network Authentically with Selena Soo

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:00:03 Hi and welcome to the Integrative Women’s Health Podcast. I’m your host, Doctor Jessica Drummond, and I am so thrilled to have you here. As we dive into today’s episode, as always innovating and integrating in the world of women’s health. And just as a reminder, the content in this podcast episode is no substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from your medical or licensed healthcare team. While myself and many of my guests are licensed healthcare professionals, we are not your licensed healthcare professionals, so you want to get advice on your unique circumstances. Diagnostic recommendations treatment recommendations from your home medical team. Enjoy the episode. Let’s innovate and integrate together. Hi everyone, I have a really fun guest for you today. If you run a private practice, if you’re looking to build your network without this being just annoying, networking meetings that really don’t lead to anything are big time wasters and feel very transactional. You’re going to want to get to know our guest today. Her name is Selena Soo. She and I have been friends for over a decade and really collaborated on a number of things.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:01:35 She is an expert in marketing and public relations in media and learning to be featured in the media. And her real superpower is building relationships. We talk a lot in this episode about building relationships in business and business, building and sharing and spreading the word on your business. But the tools that you’re going to learn in this episode are applicable to all of your relationships, and we all go through seasons in our lives where we kind of don’t have time to keep up our relationships. We lose track of people and things. And what I love about her book, and this is a brand new book, Rich relationships, which I really recommend. It’s meaty. I’ve read the whole thing over the weekend and it’s full of tools. This is really more of a reference guide, but it’s easy to read in the sense that there’s a lot of great stories in there. It’ll keep your attention. So what we’re going to talk about today is a lot about how exactly how like down to the scripts you can maintain and build a relationship network that literally is worth millions of dollars for you and for the other people in the network.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:02:51 So this is not about being transactional. This is not about trying to get stuff from people. It’s about building true relationships in your life and in your work. So listen. And on the other side, I will chat with you about your next step in building your rich relationship network. See you there. Welcome back to the Integrative Women’s Health Podcast. I’m so excited today to introduce you to a friend and colleague of mine, Selina Sue. She and I have known each other, gosh, for probably at least a decade now, and I think that speaks to everything you talk about in your brand new book, Rich relationships. I’ll show it off here. It’s gorgeous.

Selena Soo 00:03:44 I’ve got my coffee, too. Let’s hold it up. Yes, yes, yes. I know.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:03:51 Having written a book, I know how challenging it is to really do this. And a colleague of mine said the other day they were like, on the other hand, ten years from now, you’re going to be so excited that you wrote a book before I wrote all the books.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:04:04 So that’s, I guess, encouraging.

Selena Soo 00:04:07 Yeah.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:04:09 So our community is a lot of health and wellness professionals. So on the whole, they’re really good at connecting with people. And we teach a lot of coaching skills in terms of mindful listening and really giving people that present attention, which is something that you talk about in your book. But let’s start with what do you mean by rich relationships? What is the process of building your community, of rich relationships when it comes to your business?

Selena Soo 00:04:46 Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me, Jessica. I feel like you’re one of my rich relationships, and I’m so happy we can dive into this topic that I really feel like will benefit so many people. And so what is a rich relationship? A rich relationship is one that massively enriches the quality of your life or business. When it comes to rich relationships, there’s three primary characteristics. So one is a rich relationship creates abundance in your life. There is an energy of more an energy of expansiveness.

Selena Soo 00:05:15 Because this person is in your world, they make your life better. A rich relationship is also a relationship that is connected to your goals and dreams. So when you think about the things you’re looking to accomplish, the direction that you’re looking to go in your rich relationships can support you with that. And along those lines, your rich relationships. They also want to see you when like they genuinely want the best for you. And then last but not least, your rich relationships inspire you to become the best version of yourself. And so you’re surrounded by people that are like minded, that can support you in learning and growing. Maybe you see a piece of yourself in them or are something that you really admire. So, you know, there may be people out there that are powerful, successful, and influential. But if you don’t feel safe in their company, deeply values misaligned, that’s not a rich relationship. And maybe there was a moment in which it was a rich relationship, in that you learned a lesson from that.

Selena Soo 00:06:06 But you take that lesson and then you move on. You know, rich and lessons, but maybe not rich in ongoing sustainable connection.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:06:15 Yes. So what do you have to start.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:06:18 In yourself.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:06:20 To.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:06:20 Attract.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:06:21 And collaborate with rich relationships?

Selena Soo 00:06:24 Yeah, that’s such a great question. Like, what do you start with in yourself? I think the first thing is like really knowing ourselves on a really deep level. I think that the better that we know ourselves and what our strengths are, what are our idiosyncrasies, what makes us different the more that we can love ourselves? Because the thing is that if we don’t love ourselves, if we don’t feel that we’re worthy of rich relationships, it’s really going to stunt our growth in this area. Sometimes people can feel like, why would she want to connect with me? This person is way more powerful than me. Or just having like an inner dialogue around. Maybe I’m not interesting enough. Maybe I’m not this. Maybe I’m not that. It’s like these, like, subconscious things hold us back from even starting the conversation.

Selena Soo 00:07:07 So I would say the first thing is really like about understanding yourself and your values and also your goals, because there are a lot of incredible people in the world. There’s 8 billion plus people. But the reality is we can’t get into rich relationship with every single person we meet. So the first sentence in the book is one rich relationship is more valuable than a hundred casual connections. And so the book is really about quality over quantity, and it’s about depth. And so part of depth is like, okay, understanding who I am, where is that synergy that values alignment, that abundant energy and really seeking to pour into those kinds of relationships. So yeah, it starts with intentionality, which begins with like knowing yourself.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:07:50 Absolutely. And I think, you know, you were talking about sort of a sweet over time in the book of roughly 40 rich relationships. But you could start with 3 or 5. And how you build that out. You have a really interesting framework around the six circles of kind of how close you are with people.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:08:11 And I’m thinking back, last year was my 50th birthday, and it was like sometimes when you’re either super busy in life just raising kids or raising VC funding or I was sick. That’s what kind of knocked me out of really staying connected with people in that deeper way. Sometimes you have to find yourself starting over, building out those rich relationships. So talk about the six rings of Connection and your framework around that, and where people can start if they feel like they’ve dropped the ball over time.

Selena Soo 00:08:46 Yeah, this is my favorite framework in the book, so I’m so excited to talk about it. So the thing is, when we think about building a network or nurturing and maintaining a network, it can feel really overwhelming because the reality is, over our multiple decades of life, we have cross paths with multiple thousands of people. But to think about maintaining that network is just too much, right? And so the six circles is a way to manage your network without burning out. And so everybody belongs in a particular circle.

Selena Soo 00:09:16 So we’re going to start with circle one. And as I’m going through this I want everyone to be thinking who is in my circle one, two, three and so forth. Okay. So we’ve got circle one. So this is your innermost circle. These are the people that you’re doing life with. Typically there’s a handful of people in this circle 1 to 3 sometimes five. In some cases there’s zero people in this circle. But when someone is in this circle, they are on the pulse of what’s happening with your life. They are people who are high trust, high proximity. They’re right there with you. This could look like your life partner. This could look like your very best friend that you talk to multiple times a week. This could potentially be a business partner of yours. This could be a particular family member, but it’s really a very, very small handful of people. Now we go into the next circle. Circle two are your treasured connections. So that’s typically about half a dozen to two dozen people.

Selena Soo 00:10:16 And so these are people who also are very high trust. And they have that high proximity access to you. Now, they may not be in touch with you on the daily or weekly necessarily, but these are people that you know that you’re a priority to them. If you reach out to a circle two relationship and said, I really need your help. Can you get on the phone tonight? If someone’s in your circle too, by definition, they should be rearranging their plans, moving things around, getting back to you like in communication, right? You know, there’s going to be a lot of great people that we meet in the world who care about us, but there’s going to be that handful that we know. I can count on them to make me a priority and show up when I need them. So those are your circle, two treasured connections, and this can look like other close friends. It could be, you know, some people on your team and it could be just, you know, other colleagues and people in your world who are very important to you.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:11:11 And most of those people, you would do the same for them. There would be a lot some reciprocation or not necessarily.

Selena Soo 00:11:17 It depends. So like let’s say somebody is your therapist and you’ve been working with them for three years and you talk once a week, they may be your circle. Two, you completely let your guard down. You know everything about them. And in the context of your relationship, they’ll absolutely show up. But then it’s not appropriate for you to be the same for them because it’s a paid relationship.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:11:37 And maybe even one of your, like, highest level team members would fit in this. Yeah. Without that reciprocity.

Selena Soo 00:11:44 Yeah, there is a need to be that there. But in many cases there is. But some relationships have their own kind of flavor to them. So yeah, it’s a great distinction. And then the next piece is circle three. So this is your active network. So this is it depends a couple dozen typically maybe up to 120 or so people. So these are people that you know that you hold in high regard.

Selena Soo 00:12:08 These are people that you would feel comfortable inviting to your home, bringing them to the party, introducing them to other people. So they’re really distinguished by the three R’s. So the R’s would be you respect them, right? You hold them in high regard. You would also feel comfortable recommending them, putting in touch with other people in your network, whether for business or friendship or something else. And then the other R is that they’re responsive. If you are reaching out to someone to invite them to something, to connect them to someone, One to ask for their support. You shouldn’t feel like you’re always being ghosted, right? If that’s the case and maybe they’re busy or whatever it is, but it just shows that the strength of the relationship isn’t quite maybe what you thought it was, right? So they wouldn’t be a circle three relationship. So yeah, we have a lot of people in circle three. These could be other colleagues, promotional partners, team members, other people that you have great rapport with.

Selena Soo 00:13:00 Right. These are your circle threes. Now then we have circle four. So circle four are your distant connections. Other people might call this week ties or loose ties. There’s a couple reasons why someone might be in circle four. Maybe you just met someone. Maybe you’ve only had one conversation or two conversations. Even though you have a great feeling about them, they are still essentially a stranger because there’s so much more to be revealed, right? And so they shouldn’t be super high trust and super high proximity right in the get go. So, you know, kind of acquaintances, Early stage kind of, you know, moving from stranger to friend. They would be in that circle for category. Another reason why someone might be in circle for you could have known them for a very long time. You went to high school together. You’ve been in the industry for a long time, and you see each other at conferences. There may be things that you do like about them, but there’s reasons why you feel like you need to keep them at arm’s length a little bit.

Selena Soo 00:13:55 So maybe there’s someone who is always down in the dumps. They’re very negative. They’re always complaining about people, and something about their energy doesn’t line up with, like how you want to be in relationship with people. Or maybe there’s someone that has the best of intentions, but they always drop the ball and they’re not completely reliable. And for that reason and others, maybe you’re like, you’re not the most comfortable, like putting them in touch with your network or having your personal brand aligned with them. Right? There’s just like a little bit of difference. Those would be circle. For another reason why you might have people in circle for is you’re at a place in your life where you’re at max capacity between perhaps kids, aging Parents, your clients. There isn’t room to make anyone else like an active member of your network, where you can be responsive to and so forth. So those are the different reasons why people may fall into circle four. And it’s actually important to have a abundant circle for. But there is a difference in terms of the level of general proximity and access to you.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:14:55 Well, and I can see how this could be so valuable as you transition later in your business than you’re an empty nester, when you start to open up a little more time. And then there’s some of those circle fours that you have the time and the energy, and maybe even the budget to sort of invest in those relationships, the ones that are good alignment, but you just don’t have space for them. There may be another time in the future when you do have space for them. So just even gently cultivating those relationships, I think, could be so valuable.

Selena Soo 00:15:27 Yeah, absolutely. And then there’s circle five. So these are disconnected relationships. So people would be in circle five if they have really done something wrong to you, maybe they have betrayed you. A line has been crossed. Unfortunately, you just don’t feel safe with them. You know, it’s past a point of repair. Or maybe this is someone that has never done anything to you, but they have done things to your friends, and you know that this is not a safe person.

Selena Soo 00:15:54 This is not somebody that you want to have in your active circles or even your distant circle. There was like a small event with six people, and you knew that they were there. You’d be like, oh, I don’t want to be in that room. Like, you know, we’re not pursuing that relationship, that circle five. And so most people over the course of decades of life, there may be, you know, one, two, three, a handful of people in those circles and sometimes more. And then there’s circle six. So that’s 8 billion people. That’s everyone else in the world that you have not connected with yet. So everyone can fall into one of these six circles. And I remember someone once saying, maintaining a friendship not rooted in your truth keeps you out of integrity. And by extension, maintaining a relationship that’s not rooted in your truth. Keeps have integrity. And it was really powerful when I heard that, because at the time, I had multiple relationships that were not in alignment for me, not because I’m actively seeking misaligned relationships.

Selena Soo 00:16:49 But sometimes you meet people and you have a certain feeling about them, and then over time you realize, wow, this person’s really emotionally volatile. This person is really interested in a one sided relationship and isn’t genuinely interested in me. Right? It’s not that, you know, we should beat ourselves up, that we have misaligned people in our lives because that’s going to happen on a continuous basis over our course of life. But it’s really developing that skill set. When you see who someone is, how to change the dynamic and move them into an outer circle. And you don’t have to say to people like, hey, I’ve moved you from circle two to circle four. They don’t have to know. But you know, And when you know that you’re managing your energy and you can feel like you’re in integrity, when you’re in integrity, then you can trust yourself. But if you find yourself in all kinds of weird, awkward relationship dynamics that clash with your values, you’re not going to be at peace.

Selena Soo 00:17:42 So I just find that this framework is really, really helpful for so many ways, one for maintaining integrity, but also realizing who are my circle ones and twos and also the threes I should really pour time and attention to.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:17:55 And I think this brings up the important point that cultivating and intentionally having rich relationships, building a rich relationship network is a very different mindset, skill set and practice than just sort of this idea of going to networking meetings or whatever. And so you’re actively assessing your network, you’re assessing the people that you’re around, your healthfully determining boundaries you’re really thinking about values alignment. This is a whole lot different than just like going to a networking meeting and being like, who could help promote my business? It’s just a very different energy entirely.

Selena Soo 00:18:36 And what the circles are based on trust and then by extension, proximity that you give them. They’re not based on who is the most powerful person, who is the most famous person you know? It looks at also values alignment as well.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:18:52 Yeah, I love that.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:18:54 One of my favorite kind of little vignettes in the book is talking about how, as business owners, we do spend a lot of money doing different things for promotion of our business, whether it’s spending on ads or building content or flying to speak at conferences, you really think about how to properly invest in these relationships. I mean, certainly friendships just as a way to sort of be in friendship. But I think when we’re thinking about our businesses and our practices in particular, thinking about investing in these relationships in the same way we would invest in other parts of our business can really change our mindset.

Selena Soo 00:19:36 Absolutely, yeah. No, it’s so important, you know, knowing who to invest in and how to invest. I call that a strategic social skill. And so people talk about, you know, verbal skills like how to introduce yourself, your elevator pitch or nonverbal skills like body language. But when it comes to relationships and communication and connection there’s also strategic social skills. Right. So you know, for me, I identify as a super introvert.

Selena Soo 00:20:05 I don’t have boundless energy. I can’t be with people from morning until night. And most people I know, they also have constraints on their energy, no matter what their personality is like, right? Between work commitments and family commitments. And so I’m here to help people be more intentional with their relationship building. And so I think that one of the ways that I built relationships so meaningfully is that I’m really good at paying attention to the needs of the people around me. And I show up when it matters most. So one of the ideas I talk about in the book is this idea of breathtaking generosity. So what is breathtaking generosity? It’s exactly what it sounds like when someone is so generous, so thoughtful to you, so helpful that it literally takes your breath away. Like you almost don’t know what to say, right? You’ve got goosebumps. You feel transformed. It’s the kind of generosity where you remember it for years to come. And the exciting thing is that we can all be that breathtakingly generous person to the people around us.

Selena Soo 00:21:05 It’s actually not that hard. So when people are like, well, I’m not a mind reader, or how do I know? Like, how do I become breathtakingly generous? Or what do people want and need? So there’s two main things. Number one, I want you to think about being a pain detective. So I heard Joe Polish first use this term. And so a pain detective is someone that is acutely aware of the pain of the people around them. Now, you might say, you know, Selina Jessica, how do I know when someone’s in pain? There’s a few ways, right? Few key ways where people are in pain. So, number one, natural disasters. I have a feeling that you probably know someone who has been affected by natural disaster, whether it’s a flood in their area, a hurricane, wildfires. So when you see natural disaster, know there’s a lot of pain. And is there anyone that’s important to me that I can really show up for during the time that matters the most? So natural disasters is one of them.

Selena Soo 00:21:58 Another area is relationships. So do you know people that are having relationship struggles? Maybe their marriage is on the rocks and they’re contemplating divorce. Maybe they are having behavioral issues with their kids. Maybe there’s a strained relationship with a family member. Maybe a friend in their industry has betrayed them. So relationships is an area of pain where we can really show up and support people. Another might be financial. Maybe their business has taken a hit with AI and, you know, consumer spending changes and just different ways where people are prioritizing their investments. And maybe related to that, they’re shifting their business so much that now they’re almost having like an identity crisis where it’s like I used to be known as this kind of person, but now this business model, this business offering isn’t even sustainable. And sometimes also with money, you know, as entrepreneurs, a lot of times we celebrate, oh, someone hit this incredible milestone. Maybe you’re in a community of six figure or multi six figure, seven figure entrepreneurs and above.

Selena Soo 00:23:01 And if you’re like, wow, I used to be a seven figure entrepreneur. But now I’m like making 60% less revenue. You may even feel like, am I relevant or all the people that gathered with me? Will they even find me relevant? Would they still want me in their circle If I don’t have all these accomplishments and money connected to the work that I do. So there’s a lot of pain. And so, yeah, how can you be the first to show up and not the last to show up? Most people really don’t move that quickly when they see people in pain. So you have to be ready. So I’m going to share a strategy in a moment about how to be ready. So we talked about being a pain detective. The second thing is being a dream amplifier. So all the people that you know, they have these beautiful goals and dreams, there’s an impact they want to make in the world. There are things that they want to do. There are people that they want to reach.

Selena Soo 00:23:47 And so how can you be that person that helps them get there faster? How can you be the person that is attuned to what their goals and dreams are, and be that person that makes the connections, that gives them the advice where it’s like, wow. My life is enriched by having this person in my world. So those are the two things that I’m going to talk about, like my number one strategy for really being breathtakingly generous. But before I do that, I just want to hear, I’m curious if you have any thoughts and reflections as I dove into that?

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:24:16 Yeah, I think that what’s so valuable about that is if you’re paying attention, if you’re thinking about those concentric circles and you’re paying attention to the top three in particular, but even maybe a few key people in for that, you would like to move to three. If you feel that alignment and you see that collaboration, it’s actually very easy to see when people are in pain or when they are struggling, or that when they’re excited about a next goal.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:24:44 Because in a world of social media and personal branding, like, there are plenty of clues that are dropped. So I can’t wait to hear the tactics. And then this idea of like, then how do we take action? Because sometimes it can feel kind of awkward to follow up. And that idea of breathtaking generosity. There’s a lot of times where people will say something to you if you’re in a rough spot and they see it on your social media, That’s pretty generic. Like, hope it goes well for you. Like or I, you know, sorry this happened but like it doesn’t really help them.

Selena Soo 00:25:23 Yeah I love that. Yeah that’s such a good point. I want to dive into that too as well. So yeah. So my number one strategy for being breathtakingly generous is to have a generosity fund. So to have funds set aside to show up for people. So real money. That being said, in addition you can also include your personal time resources and things like that. So maybe you see someone is in a lot of pain.

Selena Soo 00:25:52 Maybe they lost their significant other who suddenly passed away, or whatever it is. And the persons that have a lot of strength, like they’re just like trying to get by, but emotionally they’re falling apart. And so you can be that strong person and be like, hey, I’m going to rally a group of friends and we’re going to send meals to your home for the next several weeks. We will raise money, you know, and create a special fund for you. You know we will do that so you can put in your own money, but you can also organize other people. Collectively, it’s about something that you could do. But in the generosity Fund, it could be a flat amount that you have in your generosity fund. Maybe it’s a certain amount, like a certain number of thousands of dollars. For others, it could be a percentage of your revenue. So, for example, well, who do you spend the money on? I would say, you know, spend it on the most important relationships that matter to you, as well as others who are just really in need, right? Sometimes it feels good to give to someone where it’s like, I don’t need anything return.

Selena Soo 00:26:53 I don’t know if that person can ever even help me, but I want to be that kind of person that shows up for others, right?

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:26:59 And I think that’s a really important point because it’s actually in in my opinion, when it works well, it’s never with a mindset of transactional. Yes, because I think people can feel that. I think whether you’re helping a person in circle four or circle one, if you’re doing it from a place of just pure, like you’re trying to help or you’re trying to celebrate, whatever circles back will come, you know, you’re not really attaching any reciprocity to that or transaction ality.

Selena Soo 00:27:30 Yeah. No, I definitely want to talk all about reciprocity and transaction because I have a lot of thoughts on that. So one story that I share in the book, it’s one of my favorites, is that I think oftentimes we can give people the thing that we need the most. So this was a number of years ago. So I was living in Puerto Rico, and all around me there were people that were making a lot of money in crypto.

Selena Soo 00:27:52 You know, there were people that I knew that invested $100,000, and now they had 10 million. And I’m like, oh my gosh. Like, yes, one that didn’t invest in crypto at the right time. So I converted my retirement savings of $170,000 into crypto. Then over several months, I lost $100,000. So there was that going on. I had two properties, one that I lived and another one that was meant to be like a passive income rental property, only that I wasn’t able to find a tenant. You know, there were different properties popping up around, and mine was not really like suited for the people of the area that were looking for bigger family homes. They had a two bedroom apartment, so I was losing $6,000 a month, which definitely adds up over multiple months. And then also as an entrepreneur, there were just shifts in the marketplace where I had to tweak and change my offers, and launches weren’t converting the way that they used to. And so even though I felt like overall I’m good at making money and being responsible, but I was feeling like out of control and I was like, you know what? In all the areas of life where I struggle, I hire an expert because that just makes everything easier.

Selena Soo 00:29:01 So let me hire a money coach. So I discovered this money coach. I did a Google search. I found the Dave Ramsey website. I took this little assessment and then they recommended a coach to me. And her name is Jenna Rose and she’s amazing. And I started working with her and I started to create a plan and get organized and make smart decisions and things like that. And it was changing my life, and I was feeling so empowered, and I could see that people around me were in pain about money. They were stressed about money, they were struggling with it and so forth. And so I would start telling everyone like, you need to work with Jenna Rose. She’s amazing. I would say this to people multiple times, including my very best friend, and by like the seventh time, you know, nothing was happening. I was like, I was going to buy people coaching sessions. So I went to Jenna Rose and I said, hey, if I wanted to basically buy sessions for all of my friends, what would that look like? Like, could you come up with like, this incredible, like bulk package so I can just, like, hand them out like candy? Also, I was promoting someone who had a money course.

Selena Soo 00:30:03 And so I was like, this would also be a really good bonus for me. So I already know I’m going to have multiple dozens right off the bat. And so she came up with a package which actually blew me away. It was breathtakingly generous. It was for one hour coaching sessions with her for about $200, which is insane. But she was also a new coach. And so with a new coach, you’ll often do one or even two initial sessions before starting with a client. So I was like, yes, so, you know, I will buy that all day long and give it to people who really need it. And so I was giving it to various people that needed it. And one person circled back, she’s a single mom, and she said, Jenna Rose showed me how to save $1,500 a month. This is really going to change my life for me and my son. And so $1,500 a month, if you do the math, that’s $18,000 a year. That’s $36,000 over two years.

Selena Soo 00:30:57 And so I was able to spend $200 And I was able to create this kind of impact and my friends life. So that’s a win for me. It strengthens our relationship. It’s a win for a friend. And it’s also a win for Jenna Rose because she’s building a new relationship with someone, a new client who will very likely continue to work with her in some capacity, or at the very least sing her praises, refer her, and so forth. And so it’s like there’s certain things that you can do that either costs no money or cost a small amount of money $100, $200, $50. But it can make a massive life changing impact. So when it actually comes to my generosity fund, Jessica, I don’t have a limit. There’s anyone that I know that I care about, like I will spend $200 all day long because that’s the amount I would spend to go out, you know, have a steak dinner in New York, probably more.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:31:49 Yeah.

Selena Soo 00:31:50 We can do something that’s life changing, like I will, you know, I’m a coach myself, and I’m someone that has been the recipient of very powerful coaching.

Selena Soo 00:31:58 And I know that you have a community of coaches. So we all know the life changing impact when someone pours into you in that way. So that’s a thing that I like to gift, right? I mean, there’s different things that you can do. You can give to charity and this and that. But I like to gift to specific people that I know and care about. So I will do that all day long. So yeah, I just encourage people to think about like, do you have a special skill where maybe as part of your generosity fund, you will donate a portion of your services to friends, to colleagues, to people in need, and it could be a digital product or, you know, whatever it is. But is there something like that that’s set aside to support others? Or maybe it’s money and you can take someone out, or someone is feeling really overwhelmed. Maybe you give them five hours with your executive assistant to help them get organized. There’s so many things that you can do.

Selena Soo 00:32:47 It doesn’t have to be a tremendous amount of money, but it will change your life. And the other thing, Jessica, if you just think about it like, let’s say we have 20 VIP clients do something really thoughtful and generous. Maybe it costs us like $100, right? But it’s really thoughtful. It’s actually the thing that they need. And that will cost us $2,000. But if you pour into 20 VIP clients and show it with breathtaking generosity, I’m pretty sure it’s going to grow your business somehow. Whether they continue to work with you or they refer you. Not that you’re doing that for that, but it’s just knowing because you talked about reciprocity. So I don’t believe in reciprocity. I believe in generosity and I believe in energetic abundance. So it’s kind of a semantics thing. But I don’t believe, oh, if I’ve done something for you, like Jessica, if I, you know, give you something, then I’m waiting for you to, like, throw the ball back at me.

Selena Soo 00:33:39 That’s not why I gave it to you, to have it thrown back to me. I mean, it’s fine, right? When people want to be generous, but it’s like. No, I just, like, truly gave that to you because I just wanted to give. Like I gave to give gift. Not I didn’t give to get. I think that a lot of people are sometimes afraid to receive. Maybe growing up, they found that receiving came with strings attached, and so it wasn’t safe to accept gifts. Like, what is someone’s ulterior motive? Now they feel like I might have to reciprocate. They may ask me for things and I might feel out of integrity if I can’t do these things right. I just don’t believe in that. Like I’m comfortable receiving. And I’m also very comfortable giving and never receiving anything in return. That being said, of course, I’m not going to consistently pour into someone that is maybe only self-interested and doesn’t care about all.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:34:22 Yeah.

Selena Soo 00:34:23 So anyways, I just wanted to share some of those big ideas and hopefully that sparks things for other people when they think about how they can be more generous in their life.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:34:31 Yeah. And I think a couple of the key factors about that is it is from this mindset of abundance and giving and yet healthfully, you know, being aware that you’re not pouring into people who are just taking advantage of you or are ungrateful or, you know, whatever. And yet expecting this just general abundance without really attaching any meaning or transactions to it. You’re giving from a true place of. I think generosity really is the best word for that. And then the other thing that I love about this is the creativity that can come from it and the personalization. So, you know, you’re really listening to what people need and what they’re celebrating, and you’re being very specific. And so I think it can actually make it a lot of fun.

Selena Soo 00:35:23 And I think an important distinction for people to understand, Jessica, is it’s not just about giving, giving and depleting yourself, but it’s understanding when you are consistently a kind person, a loving person, a generous person you give to others, you will receive.

Selena Soo 00:35:40 It’s not that I’m just looking to give and never receive anything from the people around me, but rather than thinking like I’m giving this one person that thing so I’m waiting to receive the thing back, it’s like, no, I Generously and consistently pour into my network. And I come from a place of relaxed abundance. And I know that like a boomerang, that good energy and abundance will come back to me in some form or another. It doesn’t have to be from the same person. It doesn’t have to be right away. But long term, I absolutely can expect to receive the kindness and abundance that I put out into the world.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:36:15 Absolutely. We think of this and we call it the web of support. So it’s not so much that it’s like one for one, but it’s like you’re giving and creating this community, and it’s almost like the web is like a trampoline that bounces that energy back to you from somewhere. It just may not be a direct reciprocity. So I want to wrap up with talking about kind of this structure that you’ve created in the book around how to build and nurture and activate.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:36:44 You know, it’s one thing to kind of stick people in those concentric circles, but how do you maintain and activate those relationships over time.

Selena Soo 00:36:52 So there’s a few things. So there’s phases right. So step one is build. Build your million dollar network. So that means getting clear on who you need in your network. What are your goals and dreams. What are your values? Who are people that are connected to that? That might be joining a mentorship program and meeting like minded peers. It might mean going to an industry conference. It might be other special interest groups that might be virtual events or in-person, right? It might be people you went to school with. So the first step is to build, which involves clarity of who you are, who you want, where these people are. So that’s step one. Now once you have built like you know, these people, the next step is nurture. So you actually have to pour into these relationships. There’s this saying out of sight, out of mind.

Selena Soo 00:37:41 So even if you know someone, if you don’t talk to them for three years and you only circle back when you need a favor, it’s going to feel like a transactional relationship. The person is not going to really feel valued by you, and that’s never what we want to do. We might be thinking, I love this person, I respect this person, but if we’re not in communication with them, then they just don’t know. So in my book Rich relationships, I teach a lot of nurture strategies that are low time, but high impact and really transformational. So we do need to have a nurture plan and it doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Now the next piece is activate. And so you have these relationships. You nurture these relationships. You’re not going to unlock the full power of your rich network unless you’re an activation. And so activation means leaning on your network for support, asking for help, inspiring people to say, yeah, so that people show up for you during your times of need and rally behind your big goals.

Selena Soo 00:38:38 So I find that the activate piece is for sure the number one area where entrepreneurs struggle. Things come up like, I don’t want people to feel like I’m just using them. I don’t want to damage the relationship. I feel like the things that I can ask for are very limited. So let me just wait, wait, wait until I really need their help and who knows when that will be. But I really believe that, you know, with the right people, when we bring them in on our journey and we allow them to support us, we’re actually strengthening the relationship, not weakening the relationship. Now, of course, there’s nuances. If you just met someone, you’re not going to ask them for big inappropriate favors, right? There needs to be a certain level of connection before that door even opens. But the other thing to know is there’s this thing called the helpers. Hi. So we know what this is because for a lot of us, it feels really good to give to someone.

Selena Soo 00:39:29 And when we’re giving to someone, it’s someone’s birthday and we’re giving them a gift, or they’re in a time of need and we’re showing up and supporting them with words of encouragement or advice. We’re not doing that because we’re trying to get something from them. Truly. We want to give, and it feels so good to have that opportunity. And so it’s just important for people to really understand that. So in terms of the activation, you know, a couple of other pieces to keep in mind. One is a worthiness factor. You do have to work on yourself to feel worthy of receiving. And also have that mindset shift to know that I can actually be strengthening a relationship and deepening a relationship by being open to support. The other thing is vision. You know, as an entrepreneur, we have to have vision about how are we going to collaborate with people, how can they support us? How do we inspire them to get behind what we’re doing right? Communicate that vision right. Sometimes people are like, oh, we should collaborate.

Selena Soo 00:40:22 And it’s like, okay, but how? Like, what does that look like? Right? Having a vision, having specific ideas is really going to help with that activation piece. And last but not least, there is a skill set in how to ask. So I’m going to share an example with you. And also I’m going to share my framework. It’s not even in the book because it’s funny you know. And you know because you’ve published a book. But like, you publish the book and then you start doing all these talks and podcasts and then you refine your ideas and it’s like, okay, well, there’s even more. There’s extra.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:40:51 Yeah.

Selena Soo 00:40:52 Yeah. Okay. This is my give framework. This is how you inspire people to give to you. So step one is, gee, it’s gratitude. It’s acknowledging the relationship, expressing appreciation. I is inspired. So that’s sharing your big vision. Getting them excited about what you’re up to. Then there’s V. V stands for very specific.

Selena Soo 00:41:11 A lot of people know exactly how they can help you. And then E is easy out. So that’s communicating what you need in a low pressure way. So that even if people say no, they know that the integrity and the depth of that relationship is still maintained. So for me, during my book launch, I would say to people, for example, let’s say my friend Donna, I would say, hey, Donna, thank you for just being such an amazing friend and supporter. You know, as I work on this book, it’s been such a labor of love. But I also feel like this is the most important thing I’ve ever done. So your friendship and your support really means the world, right? We’re starting with gratitude because you really should only be asking things from people where there’s, you know, a supportive relationship already. Now next we move into AI. So AI is inspire. So it would be something like, you know, I really have this big vision of rich relationships being part of the entrepreneur vernacular.

Selena Soo 00:42:07 When people are struggling, others saying, well, where are your rich relationships, right? I really want to get this book, you know, ultimately, and these concepts in the minds of millions of people. And so, you know, you’re sharing the vision, right? You’re inspiring them with the AI. Now we’re going into V. So now we’re getting very specific. Now we’re saying something like. So my big goal is to get on the USA today bestsellers list. What that means is I need to sell 4000 copies of my book. And I know that the only way that I can sell 4000 copies is lean on my friends and colleagues and closest supporters to see if they’re willing to support me. Specifically, I’m reaching out to my closest friends to see if they’ll be willing to buy 20 copies of my book. That would be $500. That being said, anything that you could do, buying one book or a few books, all of that moves the needle and gets me closer to my goal, you know? So thank you so much for considering.

Selena Soo 00:43:04 I would love to know if this might be something that you could support me with. So the easy out is not saying they don’t have to do it. You could say that, but it can also just feel like very low pressure when you present things in that way. I find people are very excited to help. You know, the majority of the time. And so, you know, I hope that people really use this framework because a lot of people are not asking nearly as much as they should be.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:43:31 And I do think that’s helpful for your rich relationship, for the person on the other side, because as you said, it makes it easy for them to help you to get that helping high and to do it in a way that’s specific to what you actually need.

Selena Soo 00:43:46 Yeah.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:43:47 Yeah. Excellent. So before we wrap up, is there anything else you want to share? Of course, I strongly encourage everyone in our community to go and buy this book. But what else do you have going on? How are you supporting people now?

Selena Soo 00:44:02 Actually, I do have something that I would love to share with people.

Selena Soo 00:44:06 So as people read through the Rich relationships book, one thing that they consistently say is, I really love the scripts that you use because so much about rich relationships is communication, but people struggle like, what are the words that I say to start a new relationship? What does it look like to follow up and check in and nurture a relationship? What are exact scripts for activating and asking while keeping the relationship strong? And also how do I set boundaries? Because sometimes I’m going to have to say no to things, but I don’t want to hurt the relationship. And so throughout the book, I have amazing scripts and people are like, could you just put all the scripts in one place? And I was like, absolutely. So I have this bundle of scripts and I’m giving them away 100% for free. So yeah, they can go to rich relationships, book scripts, and they’re going to get over 20 scripts. I’ve used to build a seven figure business, and I know that there’s a script in there for everyone, so they can get that at Rich Relationships book.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:45:07 I love that, and absolutely, you know, I’ve read the whole book. The tools in there are super valuable, and it really simplifies the process of what to say when you’re kind of like, I don’t know how to get the ball rolling or I don’t know how to make that ask. So we’ll make sure to include that link as well in our show notes. Well, thank you so much for being here, Selina, and congratulations on a successful book launch. and I can’t wait to see what you’re up to next.

Selena Soo 00:45:36 Thank you.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:45:42 That was such a fun episode, and I always love speaking with Selena because she comes from a place of true, genuine generosity, and she really started all of her work more than a decade ago because she was an introvert. She’s a person who really struggles to go to a networking event and be bubbly and connected and make friends with people. It was a real struggle for her that she turned into her superpower, because she does it with such structure and intentionality.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:46:19 And I think some of the things that I’ve seen her learn over the last decade is how to do it in a way that really strengthens her integrity, strengthens the integrity of the relationship. Helps people actually develop themselves to be better in relationship. To have healthier boundaries. To have healthier relationships. So I really think you’re going to benefit from all of the tools and tactics that she teaches in rich relationships. For your business, for your life. And this is certainly tools that you can help encourage your clients to utilize as well. Because so many of our clients struggle with things like boundaries, asking for and receiving help, how to be generous, what that means, how to be generous without over giving. So I have one action item for you this week and that simply go buy rich relationships. Go download Selina’s free scripts, and really sit down this week. Think about who your network are that already exists and how can you lean into gratitude and connection for the people you already have in those first couple concentric circles of closeness? Start with just reconnecting, being grateful, and maybe sprinkle in an act or two of breathtaking generosity.

Dr. Jessica Drummond 00:47:50 Have a wonderful week. I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for joining me today for this episode of the Integrative Women’s Health Podcast. Please share this episode with a colleague and if you loved it, hit that subscribe or follow button on your favorite podcast streaming service so that we can do even more to make this podcast better for you and your clients. Let’s innovate and integrate in the world of women’s health.